Lisa's Story
The Beginning
My experiences with sin
and rebellion against God and my parents began in high school. Being raised in a strict Christian home with many
rules and restrictions, I began seeking independence and freedom away from following
rules in my senior year - away from the “Christian girl” choices of
obedience.
Meeting a boy I liked very
much, I became pregnant my last four months before graduation. We stayed together for six years – working
together and living together, until I became a very jealous and insecure
person.
These infectious emotions
stayed with me to haunt and destroy me as a person. I was physically abused on several occasions
only to find out he had cheated on me.
We were both very young and naïve.
I left the relationship and moved back home with my father and sister.
There, I would start over
and begin my life as a single mom hoping to raise my son in a Christian
environment. I found myself back to the
roots of Christianity.
Seeking For Love
After several years of
growing in the Lord, I was still seeking a Christian man for love in all the
wrong places. I became naïve and
gullible becoming interested in a Christian man, who was going to church, becoming
friends with his mother and two sisters.
Little did I know I would fall back into temptation, and the thought of
getting pregnant again never crossed my mind.
I repented every time we
slept together. He told me he was
careful and not to worry. Well, sure
enough, after only a few months of dating, I was back at the doctor’s for
regular checkups only to find out I was pregnant.
I stepped down from the
choir, feeling shameful and embarrassed, but staying in church and continuing
to serve the Lord. Never did I imagine that
he would leave me to take care of this child on my own. He didn’t want to be a full-time dad.
Nine months later, I gave
birth to a beautiful girl. He did not
want anything to do with her. His words
to me on the phone were “she’s not a boy”.
What?
At this point, I have
faced both physical and emotional abuse.
On My Own
Raising two children,
working two jobs and going to college off and on, I’m thankful I had my parents
who supported me and helped me every step of the way.
My mom was a rock. She never judged me or looked down on
me. She was always giving and
loving. This encouraged me to fight
harder and stand on my own feet.
As the years went by, I
began to attend a church in downtown Flint where my mother and step-father
attended. I sang specials in my new-found
church enjoying every moment. Singing
was where I felt close to Jesus. I felt
healing and deliverance. When I sang, all
my pain, guilt and shame would just vanish and melt away.
After a year of attending my
church, I was asked to be the praise and worship leader and begin a choir. I accepted the position. During this time, I had only a pianist, a
guitarist and a drummer. Needless to
say, the drummer and I began seeing each other.
We began talking and
hanging out. I thought my life was
coming to a completion thinking “could he be the one?” Deep down something
didn’t feel right. I ignored all the
possible signs that the Holy Spirit was tugging on my “love strings”. I went along with this man. After finding out I was pregnant for the
third time, he convinced me to leave this church and attend the church he was
originally from. I wanted to make things
right and hopefully things would work out in my favor.
I left leading worship and
directing the choir, which was God’s calling on my life, for a man I barely
knew. Once our son was born, we decided
to move in together. From then on my
life was changed, and not for the better.
I decided to get on birth
control to prevent another pregnancy.
What was I doing? What was I
thinking? I was foolish and naïve. Why does this word follow me with every
decision I make?
Struggling Again
I struggled with jealously
and insecurity with every relationship I was involved in.
During my pregnancy with
our first, the physical abuse started.
This man that I only began to wish I could actually feel some form of
love for thought he would handle my jealousy with abusive behavior. I was choked to becoming unconscious on the
kitchen floor, only to be coughing up blood.
At one visit to my brother and sister-in-law’s house, he pushed me down
a flight of stairs while I was carrying his baby, but I stayed with him.
He repeatedly told me he
was sorry and that it would never happen again.
There were nights he would leave and be gone for three days. I had no clue what he was up to. Jewelry, a microwave, and different items
from the house were coming up missing. The neighbors were trying to tell me he
was using drugs. “No! Not him”, I
thought. I didn’t want to hear or
believe this was going on. He forced me
to drive him into bad areas of Flint, only to tell me to stay in the car and
wait for him. I had my children in the
car sitting in the roughest parts of Flint.
I was terrified; more terrified though if I left him there because of
the beating I would receive.
We went together to
counsel with our pastor. Every time we
met he was remorseful. Later, I found
out I was pregnant with our second child.
I thought “how could this happen? I was on birth control.”
During this pregnancy, the
lying, cheating, stealing, controlling, manipulative and physical abuse
escalated.
One afternoon, I was in
the bedroom with my oldest daughter.
Pregnant with my last child, he came walking into the room yelling at
me, grabbed chunks of my hair, forcing my face into the floor making my face
hit the floor repeatedly. Pieces of my
hair were being pulled from my scalp and into the air.
My daughter witnessed the
abuse. I remember one evening my oldest
son, who was no more than 10, helped me move all the furniture in front of the
door to block this man from coming in.
We bolted and boarded the back door.
After several attempts of him begging and pleading to come in and
apologize, I let him in, only for more abuse.
He did not allow me to
have a telephone. On one occasion, after
I confronted him about having three numbers of one woman, I came near to
death. In front of my three children, he
beat me and took his open fist and thrust the palm of his hand into my
nose. The force led me to the ground
where I laid hearing him screaming at me.
I literally looked like a piece of pulverized meat.
After several of my family
members, co-workers and his parents saw my face, they begged me to leave. It was the doctor who told me if my nose
would have shifted two more centimeters, I would not be alive. I stayed.
Enough
What motivated me the most
was the fact that my daughter was just born and I walked in on this man seeing
him smoking crack. He was, in fact, this
whole time using drugs.
Enough! No more abuse, no more lies, no more
stealing, and no more defeat. I was
determined to get my four children and myself out of this dangerous, unhealthy
and toxic stressful lifestyle.
With much humility and
shame, I called my father, who was there for me. He never stopped praying for me. It was only
by the love and grace of God that today I am living and breathing.
I never once looked back
or turned back for what had almost ended my life: self-absorbed, naïve, gullible and looking
for love in all the wrong places. The
only true love is that of the Father in heaven.
He brought me through this. My
struggle, my shame, my sins, my selfishness, only by the blood of Jesus I have
been saved.
Another Chance
God gave me another chance
to be a loving, nurturing and caring mother.
He led me straight back to Him. I
was in the lowest and weakest times that Jesus was reaching for me the whole
time and I was rejecting Him.
He never let go of
me. He loved me all the way back to
victory. I live with a red mark on my
nose, but it reminds me every day that Jesus loved me enough to spare my life,
to help others.
My heart’s desire is to
tell Christian women in this situation that there is hope. You can’t turn back your life but you can
control it. Please get help.
Lisa Porritt's Story
Edited by Sharon Garner
